"Our Lord! In You (Alone) we put our trust, and to You (Alone) we turn in repentance, and to You (Alone) is (our) final Return."
[Surat al-Mumtahinah 60:4]
قل هو الله احد الله الصمد لم يلد و لم يولد و لم يكن له كفوا احد
Assalam Alikum, before anything, I am sorry for such a delayed response, but I respect how bold you are for admitting such a private matter.
I am no expert in this matter, but before getting married, you should get married to the right woman. I am not sure, if you are married already, but if you aren’t married, then you should lean more towards woman who are not so ‘feminine’ this was a suggestion I heard from an islamic scholar.
But you fighting this feeling is brave and Allah will reward you for it, try avoiding thinking any sexual thoughts about men and also avoid any things that might stimulate those thoughts in whatever form that may be.
I am not married, so I can’t really elaborate on the matter, but I would advise you find an open minded scholar who would discuss such matters with you and help you find ways to avoid sins.
Do not consider the thought of ‘dying alone’ because Allah gives people according to your intention.
Intend to have a beautiful family, with a woman that can make you feel that. Marriage isn’t only about pleasure, and remember that Allah will reward you for fighting such thoughts, no one is born with a ‘gay’ gene or such, its been proven scientifically, but men can have low testosterone levels which can trigger them to feel attracted to men.
I am not an expert in this, and I would like you to seek help and knowledge from a person that know more. But I am here to support you and say you are doing the right thing by seeking help.
I have never met you, but I can tell that you have a good heart, hold on to Allah and Islam, you’ll find yourself eventually in the right place.
May Allah guide you, and I hope this helps.